Umm I'm too high to move.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
