There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
