So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
