So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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