New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
