I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
