He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
