your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
