On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
