I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
