dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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