Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
