I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When are your genitals available?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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