You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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