sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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