Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No subtext here. People are naked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
