Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
