This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
