but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
