sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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