Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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