OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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