Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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