Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
