using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
