I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
