im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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