woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
