you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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