she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
