Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
