in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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