I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
