his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
