she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
