So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
