..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
