i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
