yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
