I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
