wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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