I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
