there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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