im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
