So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
