why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
