I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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