I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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