how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
