Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
